5 changes & 50% happier
As I reflect on what happened in 2022, I came to see five new practical habits or perspectives that I have embedded in my life. They have made me 50% happier — yes there’s not really a way to quantify it but I do think they incrementally infused more joy, even in small margins, and they do add up by the end of the year as I do my reflection!
They were not really things I “set out” to do at the beginning of 2022. I picked them up here and there throughout the year and they have galvanized into proper habits. Here they are:
Stop eating before I’m full
There’s this thing with me and my obsession with cleaning things up. I cannot stand a messy space, half-done tasks, even the food on the plates, and extra stuff in my fridge or kitchen counter. In the case of eating, I have often found myself wanting to clear my plates and binge on a packet of shrimp crackers because I can’t stand having the packaging laying around — even when I don’t really want to eat anymore.
This habit led to me feeling very full and awful after every meal. I think I unconsciously picked up this habit several years ago until very recently. I started practicing “eat before you get hungry and stop before you feel full”. Perhaps technically speaking it’s just our hormones (cortisol maybe?) and the way our body works — that delays the time it gets for our brain to receive the “I’m full, stop eating” signal (I believe I read the study somewhere in a book but I can’t remember the details now😅).
A couple of months ago, I learned to better portion my food, knowing my “before full” limit, not stocking up on snacks anymore, and in the case where I slipped and ate too much, I opt for a long walk home or at least busy myself with some physical chores like cleaning or taking the trash out.
It’s very simple yet it makes me feel a lot lighter and fresher.
Acknowledging my negative feelings
Ever since I started journaling several years ago, I have become very self-aware. It’s interesting to see how my thoughts form and patterns show up in my thinking. But journaling can be quite self-deceiving when you only focus on the good things, or the things you want to “untangle” to benefit yourself.
I found myself avoiding certain topics when I was journaling. Even though the only person who has access to the book I journal in is me, somehow I was afraid of jotting down certain things. I was afraid of facing myself — or phases or versions of myself that aren’t always the protagonist I thought I was.
Like jealousy — because I compare myself a lot.
Like pettiness — sometimes the petty things are my ‘important’ things.
The courage to lean into myself and strip away all the judgment I had towards the feelings I’m feeling helped me face even the darkest versions of myself.
As a feeler, my gut feeling is the biggest and surest signal when something’s very right or incredibly wrong. Whenever I feel weird or off, I have the habit to pause and ask myself, “hey, what is it?”. Although I still often shy away from admitting the negative feelings to myself, suppressing them in the hopes that they would just dissipate, it always felt like something is blocking my airway whenever I do that.
Now I learn to be compassionate with myself and assured that part of me that it’s okay and in fact very humane to feel a certain way — feelings you think you shouldn't be feeling. And I try to show a bit more empathy to myself the way I strive to do it towards others.
I stop judging.
I know I’m not always the hero of the story, I could be the villain too. And it’s okay. There’s humility in knowing you’re not always the kindest, the nicest, the friendliest, and [insert other positive adjectives]-est person. My aim is to just be aware of the feelings, observe them as they are — without judgment, understand why they surface, and sort through them; instead of sweeping them under the rugs.
You have to take the poisons out before they poison the whole of you.
Reading what I want to read
Previously, I used to have a long list of books I wanted to read each year. The popular books that everyone else is reading. The famous author whose books kept on coming up in my timeline. The classics that are on everyone’s bookshelf.
When I started reading and I didn’t feel like it was for me, I forced my way through. Trying to find something to latch on — a point where the book will start to pick up its pace, or for a character to feel relatable, or for me to finally learn something new. But it doesn't always work, and in the end, I’d finish the book without really knowing what it was about. I would be reading mindlessly.
Such a waste of time — I thought.
There are so many other great books out there, waiting to be read. Why do I have to stick to one that doesn’t add any value to my knowledge or life generally?
Now I have the habit of dropping the book when it’s no longer serving me. Or pause it for the time being. Or skip a few chapters. Or better yet, avoid buying books only because of recommendations.
I came to books knowing what I want from them. Whether it’s escapism when I read action-packed fantasies, or practical learning when I read non-fiction about building startups. I don’t read for the sake of it anymore. And when people ask me for reccos, I always ask: what are you looking for?
A sub-point to this is I also try reading underrated or unpopular books. And quite frankly, I’ve found some interesting gems that turned my perspectives in ways mainstream books had not been able in budging. Lonely Castle In The Mirror, Ten Things My Father Never Taught Me, and Watersongs are just a few.
Chat with intention: ask questions, listen, take pauses
I bet you have heard of the quote that says how in conversations, we often only wait to answer instead of listening intently.
When I moved to Singapore, I had to build my network from scratch. So this year particularly, I met a lot of new people. That means hours spent on coffee and chatting. But I don’t want them to just be my regular caffeine intake session and.. mindless “chatting”.
It may seem weird but I learn to come to meet-ups with this little agenda: to get to know people and their motivations, what made them tick, what are their future aspirations, things they do that I’m curious about — their how and their why. It’s fun.
And it starts with:
- Asking questions about them (humans like to talk about themselves),
- Listening to them (not to react but to understand), and
- Taking deliberate pauses when they have seemingly finished talking (give it a few seconds, and you’d be surprised at how much people will uncover when you don’t immediately react.)
Taking myself less seriously
This somehow ties closely with the previous point. And it’s all about letting go of the need to be seriously… [insert adjective or a standard you hold]. In the case of chatting, I learn to be okay with saying “I don’t know what that is, could you explain to me?”.
In the past, I always want to be perceived as smart and knowledgeable. The incredibly high standard I put on myself is I gotta know what people are talking about — I can’t look stupid by asking them to explain basic stuff.
But it is true when Aristotle said “the more you know, the more you know you don’t know”. One could not simply know everything. So when I first met my now-friend who is a Ph.D. candidate in quantum physics, I took up that chance to be the “stupid” one and ask: “what is quantum mechanics really all about?” Even when I met someone whose background was similar to mine, I still asked: “could you share with me your perspective on XYZ? I’ve read about it but not sure if I’m understanding it correctly.”
I learned this from a friend actually. Someone I perceive as incredibly smart and talented, yet has the humility to ask what I meant by [insert things that are second-nature knowledge to you].
I practiced it and in turn, felt a huge burden being lifted from me. I have let go of the desire to be seriously… smart and know-it-all and have-her-shit-together.
And I guess when life throws its tough cards at you, you know what it’s like to be on that rough end. So you learn to laugh at yourself, stick your hands out of your umbrella’s range during heavy rain, joke when you can even when it doesn’t land, let go of the desire to argue and make a point or to have the last say, grin more to strangers, and.. enjoy what life has to offer a bit more intentionally.
Will you try adopting any of these? Comment and let me know!
Thanks for reading and happy new year in advance, peeps 🎉
